i am not mad at ANYONE.
i do not hate ANYONE.
people need to get their stories straight
before they start spreading lies.

there's so much fucking drama in the "group" right now.
it's bullshit.
i shouldn't even be INVOLVED in it.

well today wasn't so bad.
a couple people were crying in the moring, but after first, it was like a normal day. i guess it wasn't as bad as george's death because people saw it coming. mike's death was inevitable. but george's came as a shock, nobody knew it was going to happen. there's no doubt that people were saddened by mike's passing, but it definately wasn't a shock.

i don't got much else to talk about.
toodles.

well. it's like, 3.22am. i had a good night. =] went and saw juno with holley and patrick. it was a sweet movie. sad. and funny. xD

i just spent the past like, hour listening to nightwish and this is what i conjured. =D

it might be too dark to see, but it's not for me. so. ahaa.

i'm so not tired. thank god people are on, 'cause i am so bored.
well. i ain't got much to write about.


EDIT - mike fitz died yesterday at 2.40am or something after his.. seventh? month battle with an inoperable brain tumor. i, personally, fucking hated the kid, he was an asshole to me and many other kids. i thought he was a bully. but i don't think he deserved to die like that. he was only sixteen or seventeen. poor kid. well, rip man.
monday is going to fail. everyone is going to be crying and sad and people's emotions tend to rub off on me. fuck i hate death.

so the chances of me actually graduating on time are like, slim to none. if my mom won't let me go to summer school, then i have to take an online math course which is apparently very difficult. and if i fail it (which i most likely will), i won't graduate with my class. even if i do pass it, i still need to pass all my other courses. but if i go to summer school, i'll have one credit to fall back on. ughhhh, school is so frustrating. DDD:
i'm worried i won't pass with all my friends and i'll be left behind all alone. and that would fail horribly. this semester, i AM going to try though. =] i don't want to be the only one left behinnnndd!

lulz lulz lulz. i am a huge failure.

english - 76%
math - 53%
cul tech - 54%
early childhood services - 92%

mother is shitting bricks. haha, i'm sure we can build a new house soon.

so i seriously don't know what to do with another day like today. it was awkward and terrible and i just wanted to break down and cry in the middle of my classes. i wish he would just fucking tell me that he loathes my fucking guts and get it over with.
if i have to go through another lunch like that, then i am never going back to school again. imagine a huge gathering of screaming, annoying fucking emo kids in a small fucking place, two or three of which you HATE with a passion and one who you're in the midst of a fight with and can't even look at. it was the most dumbest shit i've ever encountered. so i played solitaire and blasted myself with dragonforce for a good half hour, trying to drown out their loud squeals and laughter. fuck.

i'll write more later.

bullshit. bullshit. bullshit.
should just tell him i don't fucking care anymore.

thank you for the reality check.
you know who you are.
i really mean that.

i'm filled with depression again.
today was a terrible day.
i haven't slept in a long time.
i'm sick and feeling miserable.
too many fights. too much drama.
all in one day. haha.
i've never wanted to go back to my
old ways so much in the past year.
i don't even know what i'm doing
anymore, why i'm trying. nothing's
going to change. i'm just going to
return to my angsty, self-centered
self once he leaves. i am trying my
best to change for the better, for
him. but i can't.

i have nothing else to say. other
than i don't know what the hell i'm
trying to accomplish.

i do this every time.
some shit always happens.
and i always ruin it.
i can't hold on.

why do i feel like this?
my life is the best it's been in years.
so why the fuck am i trying to ruin it?